Author Topic: Rink Atmosphere,s  (Read 361 times)

Florence

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Rink Atmosphere,s
« on: January 12, 2020, 02:30:05 PM »
Hi guys,


I have been watching the Netflix series Spinning out and when I watch the rink moms on it, I think, yeah that's actually quite accurate!
I definitely don't want this thread to be naming and slating off particuar rinks but just wanted to know what you think about rink atmosphere's in general?


My daughter experiences a fair bit of bitching about her by a clique of kids,  I have considered moving rinks but her dad says they will all just be the same under the surface.


Is it a competitive Ice rink kind of thing you just have to learn to live with or are there actually nice rinks out there?


(Edited as too moany!)



« Last Edit: January 12, 2020, 03:41:56 PM by Florence »

WednesdayMarch

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Re: Rink Atmosphere,s
« Reply #1 on: January 12, 2020, 05:47:43 PM »
I have been watching the Netflix series Spinning out and when I watch the rink moms on it, I think, yeah that's actually quite accurate!
I definitely don't want this thread to be naming and slating off particuar rinks but just wanted to know what you think about rink atmosphere's in general?

I haven't watched Spinning Out, but I remember "skating moms" from my time as both a kid learning to skate and as a coach.  It's not uncommon for coaches to take evasive action when they see some parents coming.  My coaching mentor used to leg it and hide in the gents, leaving me to deal with one particular mother!

My daughter experiences a fair bit of bitching about her by a clique of kids,  I have considered moving rinks but her dad says they will all just be the same under the surface.

Is it a competitive Ice rink kind of thing you just have to learn to live with or are there actually nice rinks out there?

Well, some rinks are nicer than others, for certain.  In my experience, however, - and this may be a bit contentious - it's not the kids so much as the parents who create the cliques and the bitching.  Left to their own devices, the kids mostly get on as they all share the same passion.  But without at least one parent to fight their corner, as it were, a child won't get anywhere in skating, no matter how talented so it's a bit of a Catch-22.

Stand back and watch them and you'll see.
Returned to the ice in Sept 2017 after a major leg injury in 1999. Skating in Graf Dance boots and MK Phantom Para blades. It's still a bit slippery.

transmissionoftheflame

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Re: Rink Atmosphere,s
« Reply #2 on: January 12, 2020, 06:02:17 PM »
From the rinks I have skated at or known about from close friends and family I would say none are perfect but none were all that terrible either.  They all had some measure of politics and bitchiness between coaches, parents and kids - though in my experience the kids in general are the least guilty.  It's a result of everyone competing for the same business, goals, and ice, and a closed environment.  So I imagine nowhere is completely immune, though equally that's not to say there are not some that are better than others.  I suppose you could go along to some patch sessions at other rinks, if that's an option, and see how they were, try to talk to the skaters there, though obviously that would mean changing coach and if your coach got to hear you'd done that they might get touchy.  You could discuss with your coach if you trust him/her.  Me and my daughters did patch and had lessons for many years. now we just do public and group lessons in a club session which is more relaxed.  I'm thankful that we've been taught to skate well and it's a lifelong passion, but honestly I don't think any of us miss patch and rink politics at all.  You probably need to develop a thick skin and try to focus on what you are doing and not what others are doing.  I hope it doesn't spoil your enjoyment.

The ice mouse

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Re: Rink Atmosphere,s
« Reply #3 on: January 12, 2020, 08:25:09 PM »
I haven't watched Spinning Out, but I remember "skating moms" from my time as both a kid learning to skate and as a coach.  It's not uncommon for coaches to take evasive action when they see some parents coming.  My coaching mentor used to leg it and hide in the gents, leaving me to deal with one particular mother!

Well, some rinks are nicer than others, for certain.  In my experience, however, - and this may be a bit contentious - it's not the kids so much as the parents who create the cliques and the bitching.  Left to their own devices, the kids mostly get on as they all share the same passion.  But without at least one parent to fight their corner, as it were, a child won't get anywhere in skating, no matter how talented so it's a bit of a Catch-22.

Stand back and watch them and you'll see.

I totally agree with WednesdayMarch

When I have seen rink politics at play it is mostly the parents driving things, but it also stems a bit from what parents think the see happening on the rink and what is actually happening. Things like this happen in all sports / activities.


« Last Edit: January 12, 2020, 08:26:58 PM by The ice mouse »

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Florence

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Re: Rink Atmosphere,s
« Reply #4 on: January 13, 2020, 02:20:27 PM »
" My coaching mentor used to leg it and hide in the gents, leaving me to deal with one particular mother! *

That,s actually quite funny, I totally can believe that when you think of some parents!


"When I have seen rink politics at play it is mostly the parents driving things, but it also stems a bit from what parents think the see happening on the rink and what is actually happening."

I agree I aslo have said / think it is coming from the parents, for one reason or another. Im pretty sure Im not overthinking things, Ive sat and seen a parent and her child take the pee out of my daughters skating. Its not just me either, her dad told me that when he took her yesterday the kids were looking up at their moms and pulling faces just because she accidentally got in "their space" Then they would stand together looking at her and talking.  Someone else on the Ice (an adult) heard a couple talking about her when she was runnning through her programme recently and when they went and stood next to them they looked up and skated off.  It has took a few years to build her confidence on patch, she always held back and was constantly worried aout getting in peoples way. She is fairly quiet and just gets on with things, she isnt one for standing chatting and she rarely slates the kids there, and one time I said something about a skater she told me off! She knows that they talk about her and luckily she is quiet a strong young lady BUT I do worry how it will knock her confidence in the long run, aside the fact that It really isnt nice for me as her mum to sit and watch.

"I suppose you could go along to some patch sessions at other rinks, if that's an option, and see how they were, try to talk to the skaters there, though obviously that would mean changing coach and if your coach got to hear you'd done that they might get touchy"

I am hoping to start lessons at another rink after this initial 6 week block has ended (around mid February) so I may use that as an excuse to see what that rink Is like and maybe influence my daughter. She started skating because I did, she started netball because I played, She now comes to the gym with me, so am hoping If i have nice things to say about a new rink she may want to follow lol (She isnt like a little sheep though, she does far more than I do in general, i hardly saw her last week!)  I have told her coach so its not a secret, I am if nothing else an very honest person. It is catch 22 though, it may be better or not for her in the long run to move, but equally is sad she would have to get to know and feel comfortable around another coach and those kids and parents would get what they want, her off their Ice (and she would not be the first skater there to have left due to bullying!)  Its not a nice situation.







« Last Edit: January 13, 2020, 02:24:30 PM by Florence »

WednesdayMarch

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Re: Rink Atmosphere,s
« Reply #5 on: January 13, 2020, 02:27:04 PM »
No, that isn't a good situation and if she's not the first skater to have quit that rink owing to bullying, then I would think she's probably better off out of it.  Is it always the same parents and children who cause the problem?
Returned to the ice in Sept 2017 after a major leg injury in 1999. Skating in Graf Dance boots and MK Phantom Para blades. It's still a bit slippery.

MarkD

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Re: Rink Atmosphere,s
« Reply #6 on: January 13, 2020, 05:04:00 PM »
Parents definitely worse than the skaters themselves. Read a bit of r/entitledparents to get an idea of the jaw-droppingly and utterly brazen lack of self-awareness some people can display.


My worst experience was my daughter running through L7 solo pattern dances, in a lesson, on the music (so according to what should be well-known patch rules, top priority in terms of right-of-way on the ice) and a younger skater getting in her way as she was in a world of her own doing spins, and in diving for cover, falling over. Then five minutes later, doing the exact same thing. The mother then spent 10 minutes shouting at daughters coach, demanding she be kicked off the session, despite it being this lunatic mothers daughter being in the wrong.


Kids were often either encouraging each other.

Florence

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Re: Rink Atmosphere,s
« Reply #7 on: January 14, 2020, 10:17:36 AM »
MarkD


*shakes head* some people are too busy gossiping they live in denial about their own kids!



WednesdayMarch


They all belong in a little group (same coach) and stick together like snot (as do their parents) Having heard the parents in that goup talk about each (their so called friends) other I am confident that their children just follow suit. 


« Last Edit: January 14, 2020, 01:15:20 PM by Florence »

Leif

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Re: Rink Atmosphere,s
« Reply #8 on: January 14, 2020, 01:29:40 PM »
Bullying seems to be an occasional issue. I had what amounted to bullying from a young figure skater. Whenever I went to the (empty) middle circle to practise crossovers, she would deliberately come over and  block my path. Thankfully a steward sorted out this selfish brat. Talking to a steward if present is a good idea. They can keep a look out, and sort out issues. They don't always get it right first time (they have to be fair to both sides given what they have observed) but if it is persistent bad behaviour they should act. The rink manager is another port of call. The manager at my local rink was brilliant at sorting out some issues I had and he did it in a softly softly manner.

I've had plenty of bullying in hockey. Some of the good players effectively blank me out, no passes, and lots of put downs. I was recently knocked flying when someone charged into me, and when I moaned someone shouted out loudly that the problem is me because I am s**t. (I've had plenty of feedback that makes it clear that I'm doing well given the number of years I've been playing. That said, such outbursts are not pleasant.) Frankly you need to block out abuse. Weak individuals with personal issues sometimes take out their anger on innocent people. It makes them feel good to put other people down. I find that really good players are far more secure, and are more helpful. They have less to prove. I suspect it will be the same with figure skaters. Focus on the nice people, your own (or your child's) achievements, the pleasure gained, and so on.

I did read about one rec hockey player who was and presumably still is a known psycho. Some people were genuinely frightened of this person, and he has injured people. That though is an extreme.

WednesdayMarch

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Re: Rink Atmosphere,s
« Reply #9 on: January 14, 2020, 02:05:16 PM »
They all belong in a little group (same coach) and stick together like snot (as do their parents) Having heard the parents in that goup talk about each (their so called friends) other I am confident that their children just follow suit.

Ah.  Yes, I've seen that before.  There used to be a coach where I did a lot of training who effectively turned having lessons with her into almost a "cult".  You were either in or you were out, unless you were spectacularly good in a different discipline and therefore could justify having lessons with a different pro.  I was mostly saved from it as my main thing was ice dance, which she didn't teach.  And I did have some lessons with her for spinning, as her pupils were spectacular spinners and I wanted some tips, but in the main she didn't cultivate a healthy atmosphere at that rink.  I would not have wanted a child of mine training there for that reason.  The other rink where I did my main teaching had one particular horrendous "skating family", where the children were just as obnoxious as the parents, but none of the pros were having any cliquey rubbish.  There was also a healthy skating club membership.  The club session was on a Saturday, late afternoon/early evening, and it included everybody from tinies to adults, freeskating and ice dance.  Everybody did everything, which was great fun.  And synchro also played a big part in creating a "team" atmosphere that encompassed everybody who wanted to try or do it, not just pupils of one particular coach.

From what I'm seeing these days, synchro could well be the factor that creates good training relationships between skaters.  Some parents, I'm sad to say, simply can't be trusted to set a good example to their children.  Doesn't sound to me like you're one of those, Florence.  I hope you and your daughter find a nicer place to train.
Returned to the ice in Sept 2017 after a major leg injury in 1999. Skating in Graf Dance boots and MK Phantom Para blades. It's still a bit slippery.

transmissionoftheflame

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Re: Rink Atmosphere,s
« Reply #10 on: January 14, 2020, 02:30:15 PM »
It's very sad.  You're always going to get some kids and parents who are unpleasant, but in my experience rink management and coaching staff don't always help and sometimes make things worse.  In my experience club sessions are less toxic than patch, though they can err on the side of being rather shambolic which isn't ideal either.  These days I just do group lessons and practice in quiet public sessions, and rollerblade which doesn't have much/any politics than I can see.  I'm sorry that's not very constructive advice as you want to enjoy the full skating experience, compete, test and all that.  My happiest memories are of the years my daughters were in the rink show - the cast and helpers were united in a common cause and there was a positive atmosphere during rehearsals and shows, and a strong bond that has lasted to this day.