I get very depressedabout my condition at times. I hate the way it limits my life so much and has curbed my previous physical lifestyle. I used to marathon walk, things like the Penine Way etc, and would walk a minimum of 15 miles a day just for fun. I have always loved walking, cycling, used to long-distance rollerblade too.
Then it all fell apart with the meningitis and it ook me a long time to come to terms with the way in which my life had changed
We took the kids skating in December. I used to skate for fun in my late teens (nothing except basic forward and backwards skating though) but hadn't been eince (I'm now 38 - 39 in a few days' time
) but I had no idea how I would manage. I decided to try it - nothing ventured and all that - and was absolutely thrilled at the speed I could gain with very little effort. My average walking speed now is less than 1mph, yet on ice I could fairly fly by!
I need medication to control my balance and the nerve spasms I have been left with, and the sheer amount of drugs I ned just to function basically have the side-effect of depression. I have to work very hard at controlling it - I've always been very prone to it anyway, and have always used physical exercise as my best form of medication. I always sound like some army PT instructor because I advise most people with depression to get outside more, to do more physical stuff, as I firmly believe the body and mind have a deep need for physical exercise in order to function at their best.
The biggest factor for me on the ice is that i relax. When I walk it is high impact, painful, and - without the speed I used to have - tedious. I'd still rather do it than sit indoors though!
When I skate I relax. The impact is much lower than when I walk (I have a certain amount of drop-foot so I have to high-step in walking) and the boots support my ankle and stop most of the foot drop (I still get some which is painful - you can't stay upright when that happens
).
But most of all I feel like a child with dreams. I know I'll never be anything of a skater, I'm too old, knackered and fat for that, but I *feel* graceful on the ice, I feel comfortable and it means I don't think about the pain I experience on moving.
So skating helps me not just mentally, but physically too. My consultant said that, without the skating, my condition would have worsened by a far greater degree, but the muscle tone is improving which will slow down considerably the speed of degeneration.